Friday, October 09, 2009

Did Anyone Find the UFL Last Night? [J. Mark English]

I traversed through the channels last night on my cable box in a desperate search to find the UFL's first official broadcast. Once I finally found it being aired on Versus, I nearly puked at the grotesque sight of the uniforms. It was not a great viewing of football.

Mike Freeman from CBS Sports offers up his own perspective:

The United Football League had its debut on Thursday night and in its infinite brilliance went against college football and the baseball playoffs. In other words, someone threw the UFL a shovel and told it to start digging its own grave.

Let's assume the UFL actually wants people to watch its games. I tried. I tried very hard to watch but couldn't find the league on TV and instead ended up watching The Joy Behar Show and trying to understand what the hell Arianna Huffington was saying.

If Shane Boyd's Redwoods fall and Freeman can't see or hear them, do they make a noise? (US Presswire)
I looked and looked and looked for the UFL. Supposedly, it's on the Versus network. I've yet to find this mythical Versus. It'd be easier to find Madonna's virginity than locate Versus.

In order of obscurity, Versus finishes just behind Carrot Top and just ahead of the Mongolian sand beetle. Versus is the tar pit of networks. Its motto should be "Versus ... where sports leagues go to die."

Three Diet Cherry Pepsi drinks and an Arianna Huffington translation matrix later, I was still in hot pursuit of an actual UFL game. I ended at the league's website. Initially I went to and discovered it was the site of the Florida Gators. Damn Gators. They rule the world.

Finally, the actual UFL website was found, and looks like it was designed in 1995. It's so cheesy it makes those Valtrex commercials look like Law and Order.

It offered a link that stated "click here and go live to a game." But you had to download something first. No way was that happening. All I needed was that new rhinoceros gay porno virus to infect my machine. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So I was stuck. No UFL games. No California Redwoods against the Las Vegas Locomotives. Nothing.

This was the opening weekend of the league and it was invisible.

The UFL stands for the Unseen Football League.

As a football addict, I want the UFL to succeed, but it won't break through a crowded fall sports universe if it makes the games difficult to find on television.

It's one thing for a league to try and compete with the NFL. It's another for a league to give up even before it begins.